I AM NOT GOING TO SLEEP…EVER!

Ok, so everyone has by now noticed my mini-obsession with Hairy Hairdressers. But believe me, if you were here right now, you would see that this is completely justified. Remember when I took a picture of what I considered to be the Big Daddy Hairy….NOT EVEN CLOSE!!! If that one was the Big Daddy, then tonight I met THE GOLIATH HAIRY. No, I do not have pictures. There was NO WAY I was taking my eyes off that thing; it probably would have eaten me if I turned my back on it. I walked into my bathroom to brush my teeth and out of the corner of my eye I saw movement, which I at first thought must have been a moth down near the baseboard. I turned my gaze, and that’s when I saw…IT. It was about 4 inches long and was cruising along the floor. It ran and hid in the corner beside my trash bin. I immediately took off my flip flop and tried to gather the courage to approach. All the while I’m thinking, what if my flip flop doesn’t have enough force to crush this monstrosity??? What if it jumps at me??? What if I simply anger it and it hides, and then comes to cut off all my hair in the middle of the night out of revenge??? But my fear of not killing it, and knowing that it was loose somewhere in my house was even worse. I smacked at it once, and missed. It ran farther back into the corner where I couldn’t see it anymore. But I knew his game…he was thinking, “I’ll hide in the corner out of her sight and she’ll have to move the trash bin, then when she moves it, I’ll attack!” So rather than move the bin out of the way, I just rattled it around a bit. And he jumped. My trash bin is a typical plastic bucket, which is I’m guessing approx. 1foot from rim to floor? And I saw this guy jump up and he popped up above the rim of the bucket. Twice. Then he made a dash for it and ran behind the toilet (very difficult to reach) and I began to pray that he would move again, otherwise I might have been forced to have an all-night vigil. And move he did. He started to scurry up the wall and I mustered up all my courage and as much velocity as possible with a flip flop, and…WHACK! He fell and PRAISE THE LORD didn’t move. That would have been the perfect time for a picture, because he didn’t even look injured, but I smacked him again for good measure, because I seriously think he was faking it. After I stopped shaking (major adrenaline rush) I called Buddy. We had previously had a conversation about how big these guys could get and Buddy had mentioned that he would kind of like to see a big one, even though he wasn’t so sure he really wanted to. I said “Buddy, I promise, you DON’T want to see one.” I put Goliath’s corpse into a jar to show B when he comes over next time (that is, if he even comes near my house again. After this, he may not) Perhaps I will get a photo – postmortem – although you totally can’t appreciate his immense girth now, because he’s kind of crumpled. Either way, suffice it to say that I’m a bit jumpy right now, and sleep…well…we’ll see...