Monday, February 28, 2005
all i can do is keep staring at this. i read it in the Word tonight and it was like I stopped breathing for a second. really there is nothing more to say. it's better for the Word of God to speak for itself.
Monday, February 21, 2005
let it sink in for a moment.
really. is it about the coffee? i'm by no means a coffee connoisseur, so heck i have no idea. are those 5-10 minutes it takes to down a Venti of your choice worth $4bucks? how many coffee beans do they have to kill to justify selling a cup of java at the price for which i could buy dinner?
lately i've been struggling with my ability and willingness to spend freely and lavishly on things i don't need, things that are huge luxuries to the rest of this world, things of which i am completely aware are usurping more of God's money than they should. i am an american. in this world that translates to: i am wealthy. its true. with that comes major responsibility.
"To whom much has been given, much will be required." what are we, as the wealthy american Church doing with our money?
as i look around, we are buying coffee.
we're going to movies. eating in restaraunts. purchasing cell phone minutes and mp3 players. buying music "that glorifies God" right and left.
and then we're asking other people to pay for our "mission trips." ouch.
maybe i should just go back and replace every "we" above with "I". i'm blameworthy here. i guess i just thought maybe i'm not the only one.
honestly, God just hit me with the magnitude of this partway through this entry. let me get specific. how am i to go on with my rich american lifestyle as usual throwing down cash for my fun each week and turn around and ask other people to pay my way to Africa?
i guess what i'd like from anyone out there reading this is prayer. pray for me to hold on to this conviction. pray that i would not justify. pray that i will be able to work hard and count it all joy to save the money i'll need to pay for my way. it seems bigger than me, and it is. and for that i am glad, because my Jesus will take center stage.
i'd be happy to hear your reflections. and your prayers. thanks
Saturday, February 19, 2005
did it hurt? heck YES it did...but one hour or so of so-called "suffering" is nothing. and now i'm down to the sunburn feeling. its kind of nice - it makes me feel like i've just returned from somewhere hot and sunny, like the Mexcian beaches my housemate amber has no doubt been enjoying this week.
my random moment from this week:
i arrived at the Krag on thursday, dropped my bag to the carpet and sat down on the floor to harness up and put on my shoes. sitting to my right was caleb, a guy i've recently become aquainted with through climbing regularly there. without a word, caleb leaned close to me and drew in a deep breath through his nose and proclaimed,
"You smell really good."
and that was it. he turned and went about his business. end of conversation.
Thursday, February 17, 2005
then it hit me.
suddenly i wanted to listen to the list of "their" fate all over again, because it wasn't just their fate, it was MY fate. it was MY choice of my own way, leading to being separated from my Creator. but if not for His Spirit drawing me, if not for His grace through His love, if not for His ordaining from before the foundations of the world, this would've been MY end. and i wept again. this time, tears of joy. joy for a Creator that put Himself in a position of lowliness, putting on skin to make Himself understandable to me. talk about overwhelming. God period overwhelms me. i can't understand it. the only way i can understand God is through Jesus, who came into "my" world and made Himself palatable to me. thank you for making a way for my wicked heart to love you.
Wednesday, February 16, 2005
"From now on let no one trouble me, for I bear on my body the marks of Christ." Galations 6:17
the little things right now that make me smile:
* i climbed a 5.11 (who cares if it took 30 minutes)
* flip flops in the middle of February
* a journal that is almost full
* my awesome bedhead at 5:00 in the evening
Saturday, February 12, 2005
not as much as you, you see...
but still i love technology
always and forever
just for those of you following my posts, and the fact that i was just talking about not over-using the word "love", the words above are not my own, as everyone should know the famous lyrics of Kip Dynamite by now. but it expressed in a funny way how happy i am for the technology that can keep me so connected accross the miles...even to my long-lost doulos roomie, Jen. we get to read each other's rambling thoughts at the click of a few keys, from dayton, Ohio all the way to the land of words like, "jumper"and telling time with phrases like, "half one".
gotta love the Irish, yes?
check out her comment on my 1st post "motive...aye, there's the rub".
jen, i think your comment was 5 times the size of my post! make sure you check out her blog. its sute to be challenging and i look forward to much more iron sharpening iron.
Friday, February 11, 2005
the stars can see me, the stars will meet me
on the ground
on the ground
and winter is never too far now
and my poor arms,
outstretched so long that my bones are now breaking
and there you come, with a smile that'd send any man to his knees
and i feel i've begun now that we're one now
now that we're one now
-Further Seems Forever
(How to Start a Fire #7)
i am hit by the words of this song.
"stronger than last year"... that's how i feel. my journal is jammed with conversations God and i have had and have, and i must say when i read back through the conversations the musings, sometimes the whining, i can't help but feel stronger than last year. i can't help but see myself a little bit more as God sees me...imperfect, yet covered by the grace of His Son.
you know ordinarily i'd say, "i love this song!" but i won't say that because i don't. the way that we know love is this: that Christ laid down His life for us. i would never lay down my life for this song. it's just a bunch of english words thrown on a page and set to music. not worthy of my love.
so, yeah...i'm trying not to use the word "love". it makes me think of the movie, "Roxanne" with steve martin. it's based on Cyrano DeBergerac (for all those literature/history/theater geniouses, sorry about my spelling, i'm not so sure on spelling that name). i could probably quote 90% of this movie; i've seen it so many times. but that's not the point. anyway, you'll have to watch the movie, see a play or read the book if you want the basic plot because it's hard to write it out in a consise manner. but here's the movie quote of which the "love" thing makes me think:
"i was a afraid of words. they're all used up on ads and tv commercials. how can you love a diaper? how can you love a car? how could i use the same word for you that someone else used for some dogfood?"
i feel like that with God lot. i use up all my words and have nothing special for Him. my vocabulary is too limited, to overused, too unoriginal to express His ...
yeah, see what I mean? His what? greatness? awesomeness? God-ness? there is nothing. maybe i should just start making up words. words that will be reserved for Him, words that can express an unexpressable God. here's my word for today to describe you Jesus:
you are absolutely, unequivocably Magnoperfectious. thanks for understanding.
Thursday, February 10, 2005
"So often we want to be somewhere else. When we look at the Now we are in, we have the illusion that if we could just inch or leap forward on the journey, our lives would be richer or better or more "together". We don't want to be Here."
the author shares a poem written by Jason Lehman.
It was spring...but it was summer I wanted,
the warm days, and the great outdoors.
It was summer, fall I wanted,
the colorful leaves, and the cool, dry, air.
It was fall, but it was winter I wanted,
the beautiful snow, and the holiday season.
It was winter, but it was spring I wanted,
the warmth, and the blossoming of nature.
I was a child, but it was adulthood I wanted,
the freedom, and the respect.
I was 20, but it was 30 I wanted,
to be mature, and sophisticated.
I was middle-aged, but it was 20 I wanted,
the youth, and the free spirit.
I was retired, but it was middle age I wanted,
the presence of mind, without limitations.
my life was over. But I never got what I wanted.
God, help me to live in the moment. to live the life abundant that You've gifted me with. none of us are promised tomorrow, and when we look for tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow, we miss the beauty of today. the breath in my lungs, the snowflakes resting on my cheeks that melt slowly and leave a tiny wet drop, the deep deep red and blue of the sunrise on tuesday morning.
what is it that you're expecting? what are you looking forward to that keeps you distracted from what God may be saying TODAY. who are you waiting for? what are you expecting? would it be so important, if today were the day you meet Jesus?
Friday, February 04, 2005
"The most dismal evil in all history found its absolute limits at Calvary. After evil had choked on its own venom, it became forever subject to Christ and to us in His name."
power. heck yeah. the battle's already won.
wrap around me like a drug and keep me spent
show me how to walk-
teach me like a child
never thought i'd live this wild
in your unbelievable arms -
in your unbelievable arms
how is it - why is it - that when i've run so far
racing away on my own steam,
that all i want is to be tucked back inside the heart of God
in your unbelievable arms -
in your unbelievable arms