tonight at refuge God spoke His Word through young T.J. as he read scripture and spoke about "the wicked". i want so badly to know what scripture he read because it really ripped through to the heart of me. i felt as though i couldn't be worshipping low enough tonight. this God, this overwhelmingly powerful, Holy and righteous God was calling out the end for the wicked. how they toil for nothing, and all that they achieve will be lost, how they have chosen their way and will find the true end to what they have always thought they wanted. i felt such sorrow for my lost brothers and sisters. they are indeed also my siblings...we may not all be the body of Christ, but we are all children God has created, born of His creative hand, formed in his image. i thought of my friends and coworkers whom i enjoy so much who daily are choosing their way apart from God. and it hurt. it hurt that i will know such joy when i am greeted by Jesus and welcomed home, and they will never know it. and i wept. God has given me the privelege of sharing the way, that by all means, some might be saved.
then it hit me.
suddenly i wanted to listen to the list of "their" fate all over again, because it wasn't just their fate, it was MY fate. it was MY choice of my own way, leading to being separated from my Creator. but if not for His Spirit drawing me, if not for His grace through His love, if not for His ordaining from before the foundations of the world, this would've been MY end. and i wept again. this time, tears of joy. joy for a Creator that put Himself in a position of lowliness, putting on skin to make Himself understandable to me. talk about overwhelming. God period overwhelms me. i can't understand it. the only way i can understand God is through Jesus, who came into "my" world and made Himself palatable to me. thank you for making a way for my wicked heart to love you.