you're not a witch or something are you?

ok, so some of you have heard the story, but i feel the need to expound on this one. i'm sure most of you that know amber and myself have probably seen and more than likely commented on the rock necklaces that we often wear. i purchased the original two necklaces from a young qypsy woman in Gibraltar who daily spreads out a little blanket along the roadside and adeptly loops wire around small jewels and rocks while passersby stand and watch.

since then, both she and i have made our own, and while wearing any of these lovely creations, both my roomie and i are constantly getting comments. the remarks run the gammut from amber being grabbed by the shoulders by a perfumed, big-haired southern baptist lady to my encounter with a security guard in the grocery store parking lot. the latter is the one i shall now explain.

so amber and i are in my car pulling out of a parking space at the grocery store and heading towards to exit. a security guard is walking towards us and motioning with his hands. i slow the car and roll down the window. he approaches.

security guard: wow, that's a really pretty necklace.

amanda: (inner monologue: this is weird) uh, thanks.

security guard: does it mean something?

amanda: (inner monologue: you stopped me to talk about my necklace?) no...

security guard: oh, ok...i though maybe you were a witch or something. didn't know if i should ask about it...thought maybe you'd turn me green or something!

amanda: no...it's just a pretty necklace. (inner monologue: let's get out of here!)

i roll up the window and make a quick exit. i look at amber.

amber: you should have said yes and pretended to put a spell on him.

well, all that to say this: you too could own your very own witch necklace.
i am making them as a way to raise funds for my africa mission trip in June. they're $10 a piece so if you're interested, feel free to post here or talk to me the next time you see me. if you don't know what i'm talking about, i'll post some pics of a few here soon so you can get a idea. tell friends, neighbors, coworkers, family...anybody you can think of, and the money will be going towards the mission trip. and if they give their name, i can even get them a receipt from the church if they would like for tax purposes.

here's me in the afore mentioned "witch necklace"...

Feeling December

i'm feeling December lately. bewildered, chilly, bleak and worthy of a long nap. (did i mention that i slept continuously for 14 hours yesterday). there are moments of snowlit excitement in the air, fresh-faced evenings of firelight and tinsel. but also long dark days of day-in-day-out trudging through snow with uncertainty of when spring will come. i feel so uninspired. where is the spark of creativity...the time when words flow and God feels nearer then my heartbeat, whispering peices of Himself into my ear? humdrum plateau days are necessary, but the need for them doesn't make them any less blah. December isn't a bad place to be, just sometimes too long for me. i know the newness of my January has got to be right around the bend...

just need to ride this sleigh a bit longer.

i found this picture on a public photo posting...just seems to capture the...i don't know...i just think it's beautiful.



i think i would title this photo "The Beauty of Hope"

ashes and snow

this is so beautiful. check it out. http://www.ashesandsnow.org

oh the randomness of life

things that make me smile:

7am phone calls to agree that, yes, my roomate is indeed cute and really cool
packed livingrooms full of Jesus-loving people
super short hair
climbing
climbing
climbing
a wedding date sure to be full of laughter
$8.00 still left on my Thai 9 card
Easter weekend camping plans -here's to sharing a tent and Jesus
Africa
premium pay
forever flip flops
ink written on the first page of my next journal
old friendships rekindled
Sequoia National Park
"I Hate Mexico" the musical : original score by Amber Barger
Dominos and coffee
sunrises after work
awkward hugs
sleeping at night once a week
turkish tea
the warmth of spring around the corner...

seriously, this is fo' rizzle....

ok, go to www.gizoogle.com

type a webpage into the search engine and click "translate page" or you can look at one of the popular gizoogled sites...or try your own blog!

it translates sites into "snoop dogg"...here's an example:

TRANSLATED FROM MY PREVIOUS POST:
"it looked a lot coola in person, but you can still see tha caked blood, so that's gots`ta be wizzay sum-m sum-m. so yeah, in addition ta thizzat i was climb'n a new 5.10 that nate had like a billion takes on tha first tizzy he climbed it (-N-to-tha-izzot ta brag, but i put him ta shame, by tha way. he admitted it.) n mah fizzy slipped off a hold n i cracked mah ankle on anotha hold. yeah, thiznat hizzay . They call me tha black folks president. i figured it'd just be anotha crazy bruise added ta tha dozens i've already gots fizzle various climbs, but shot calla tonight wizzy i wizzle up from mah before work nap, i realized tizzle it had swollen ta tha point that, well, let's jizzle say if you tizzy a baseball n cut it in half, thiznat was `bout how swollen it was."

those who never dare to climb may never fall, but also never see the beauty at the top

so i took the statement, "beat your body into submission" a little too literally today. i spent a few hours at UK and climbed mainly 5.10's with nate...praise the Lord for giving me improved skills, because its so much fun!! the challenge always pays off when you finally figure out which sequence (aka the beta) you need to complete your nemesis...anyway, i climbed hard today and i had some trophy bloody hands that would make my partner proud. (are you laughing, neil?) i actually took a picture to share the joy...



it looked a lot cooler in person, but you can still see the caked blood, so that's gotta be worth something. so yeah, in addition to that i was climbing a new 5.10 that nate had like a billion takes on the first time he climbed it (not to brag, but i put him to shame, by the way. he admitted it.) and my foot slipped off a hold and i cracked my ankle on another hold. yeah, that hurt. i figured it'd just be another crazy bruise added to the dozens i've already got from various climbs, but later tonight when i woke up from my before work nap, i realized that it had swollen to the point that, well, let's just say if you took a baseball and cut it in half, that was about how swollen it was. gross. i should've taken a picture of that too. ha.

as i was thinking about all this, and feeling the cracked skin on my hands, the swollen ankle and the aching muscles, i thought about why i climb. the answer is in the end result. the pain experienced is so miniscule in comparison to the joy felt when the task is accomplished. "But for the JOY set before Him, He endured the cross, scorning its shame..."

with Jesus, only when i dare to follow Him, can i experience the joy that is a Christ-filled life. i love my life. i love it because it is filled with Jesus Christ and His Holy Spirit every step of the way. and yet i know that the joy set before me is so much sweeter. and for that, i will keep climbing.

press on.

ok, i admit it...

tonight i cried while listening to Five Iron Frenzy. and no, it's not the first time either. now before you think i'm out of my mind for getting teary over upbeat SKA songs, just let these lyrics (that i've heard hundreds of times, mind you) penetrate your heart for a bit:

"Dear Father, I need You, Your strength my heart to mend
I want to fly higher, every new day again.
Man Vs. himself, man Vs. machine, man Vs. the world, mankind Vs. me...
the struggles go on, the wisdom i lack... the struggles keep piling up on my back...
it's so hard to breathe, to take the next step. the mountain is high, i wait in the depths
yearning for grace, and hoping for peace
Dear God, increase
Jesus Christ, Light of the World burning bright within our souls forever
Freedom, Peace, Love, without condition
without a begining or an end
here's my heart, let it be forever Yours
Only You can make every new day seem so new."

- FIF "Every New Day"

planning to go, willing to stay

for those of you who are in Perspectives right now, you've probably already read part of what i'm going to post here, but for those of you who don't have the privelege of attending the class, i wanted to share some of the stuff that really resounds with my heart right now, and how it has caused me to reflect on where i was and where i am. i totally recommend this class to any believer. especially if you want God to expand your horizons, change your ideas, and challenge your 'perspective'.

Apostolic Passion:

"passion" - from the Latin paserre, meaning "to suffer"; whatever a person is willing to suffer for

"aposle" - sent one, a messenger

"Apostolic passion", therefore, is a deliberate, intentional choice to live for the worship of Jesus in the nations. it has to do with being committed (to the point of death) to spreading His glory.

"Those who have apostolic passion are planning to go, but willing to stay. You know you have it when you are deeply disappointed that God has not called you to leave your home and get out among those who have never heard His name."

"Present your gifts, vocations and talents to the Lord. Press into God. Stay there until you long to go out in His name. Remain there and nurture the longing to see the earth bathed with His praise. Only then will you be able to trust your heart if you hear God say, "stay". Only those who long to broadcast His glory to the nations have the right to stay...If you have apostolic passion, you are one of the most dangerous people on the planet. The world no longer rules your heart. You are no longer seduced by getting and gaining but devoted to spreading and proclaiming the glory of God in the nations. You live as a pilgrim, unattached to the cares of this world. You are not afraid of loss. You even dare to believe you may be given the privelege of dying to spread His fame on the earth...Your greatest dream is that His name will be praised in languages never before heard in Heaven."

- Floyd McClung "Apostolic Passion" from Perspectives on the World Christian Movement

reading this made my heart leap! it made me so thankful to God for what He has done in my heart in the last several years. i used to be afraid of evangelism, before i realized that that big word just means living my life in the pursuit of Jesus Christ and telling people about Him. i used to think that i wasn't someone that God would ever want to use as a "missionary". that seemed so foreign, like a "higher calling" or something. missionaries were "those people" who "had a 'burden' for the people of China or something.
i specifically remember writing in my journal about 4 years ago these words, "i am going to be an evangelist". and i was completely terrified! i remember praying, "God, if you want this for me, You are going to have to do something big and get my heart in line with Yours, because that is SO NOT ME!"
its amazing what God does when you make a deliberate, intentional choice to live for the worship of Jesus in the nations. God took that step of faith, and brought my own heart into line with His. seriously. i can't say how He did it, or when it occurred, rather it was a process and now, as i look back i see such a difference in how my mind, and my heart think and act. the things i think, the ways i react...i never would have responded in such a way prior to His working in me, which was His faithful answer to my prayer 4 years ago. God has granted me Apostolic Passion. one of the highlighted lines above from McClung's article, the one that says, "you know you have it when..." OH MY! i feel like i would burst if i were to hear God say, "stay". i was talking with two friends a few weeks ago, one of whom will be going to serve the Lord overseas for an extended period of time, (as will i, Lord willing) and one who is not. the one who is not, asked both of us if it was scary to think about going so far away and leaving family, friends, and much that is familiar behind. i answered this way: "what scares me more is that God might ask me to stay." i know that sharing about Jesus is just as much needed here as anywhere else and i am taking as many opportunities as i am seeing to be salt and light among my own people and culture, but i have such a burning inside to go. would God ever choose me to stay as a way to "suffer" for Him? could i have joy though my heart longs to be elsewhere serving? let this be resounding in my heart:

"Though He slay me, yet I will praise Him."

planning to go, willing to stay. only if He says so.

Hebrews 10:31

"It is a fearful thing to fall into the hands of the Living God."

all i can do is keep staring at this. i read it in the Word tonight and it was like I stopped breathing for a second. really there is nothing more to say. it's better for the Word of God to speak for itself.

the fourbucks phenomenon

okay, i'm just gonna go there. what's up with the Starbucks phenomenon? and how is it that we've all been roped into buying trendy overpriced coffee for the sake of community?

let it sink in for a moment.

really. is it about the coffee? i'm by no means a coffee connoisseur, so heck i have no idea. are those 5-10 minutes it takes to down a Venti of your choice worth $4bucks? how many coffee beans do they have to kill to justify selling a cup of java at the price for which i could buy dinner?

lately i've been struggling with my ability and willingness to spend freely and lavishly on things i don't need, things that are huge luxuries to the rest of this world, things of which i am completely aware are usurping more of God's money than they should. i am an american. in this world that translates to: i am wealthy. its true. with that comes major responsibility.
"To whom much has been given, much will be required." what are we, as the wealthy american Church doing with our money?

as i look around, we are buying coffee.


we're going to movies. eating in restaraunts. purchasing cell phone minutes and mp3 players. buying music "that glorifies God" right and left.

and then we're asking other people to pay for our "mission trips." ouch.

maybe i should just go back and replace every "we" above with "I". i'm blameworthy here. i guess i just thought maybe i'm not the only one.

honestly, God just hit me with the magnitude of this partway through this entry. let me get specific. how am i to go on with my rich american lifestyle as usual throwing down cash for my fun each week and turn around and ask other people to pay my way to Africa?

i guess what i'd like from anyone out there reading this is prayer. pray for me to hold on to this conviction. pray that i would not justify. pray that i will be able to work hard and count it all joy to save the money i'll need to pay for my way. it seems bigger than me, and it is. and for that i am glad, because my Jesus will take center stage.

i'd be happy to hear your reflections. and your prayers. thanks

feel the burn

ever had sunburn on your neck? i feel like that now. in a good way. tattoo #2 is complete and its completely wonderful. Fud down at Blue Bird did a great job and was totally entertaining all the while.



did it hurt? heck YES it did...but one hour or so of so-called "suffering" is nothing. and now i'm down to the sunburn feeling. its kind of nice - it makes me feel like i've just returned from somewhere hot and sunny, like the Mexcian beaches my housemate amber has no doubt been enjoying this week.

my random moment from this week:
i arrived at the Krag on thursday, dropped my bag to the carpet and sat down on the floor to harness up and put on my shoes. sitting to my right was caleb, a guy i've recently become aquainted with through climbing regularly there. without a word, caleb leaned close to me and drew in a deep breath through his nose and proclaimed,

"You smell really good."

and that was it. he turned and went about his business. end of conversation.

reflections from a wicked heart

tonight at refuge God spoke His Word through young T.J. as he read scripture and spoke about "the wicked". i want so badly to know what scripture he read because it really ripped through to the heart of me. i felt as though i couldn't be worshipping low enough tonight. this God, this overwhelmingly powerful, Holy and righteous God was calling out the end for the wicked. how they toil for nothing, and all that they achieve will be lost, how they have chosen their way and will find the true end to what they have always thought they wanted. i felt such sorrow for my lost brothers and sisters. they are indeed also my siblings...we may not all be the body of Christ, but we are all children God has created, born of His creative hand, formed in his image. i thought of my friends and coworkers whom i enjoy so much who daily are choosing their way apart from God. and it hurt. it hurt that i will know such joy when i am greeted by Jesus and welcomed home, and they will never know it. and i wept. God has given me the privelege of sharing the way, that by all means, some might be saved.
then it hit me.
suddenly i wanted to listen to the list of "their" fate all over again, because it wasn't just their fate, it was MY fate. it was MY choice of my own way, leading to being separated from my Creator. but if not for His Spirit drawing me, if not for His grace through His love, if not for His ordaining from before the foundations of the world, this would've been MY end. and i wept again. this time, tears of joy. joy for a Creator that put Himself in a position of lowliness, putting on skin to make Himself understandable to me. talk about overwhelming. God period overwhelms me. i can't understand it. the only way i can understand God is through Jesus, who came into "my" world and made Himself palatable to me. thank you for making a way for my wicked heart to love you.

tattoodaysaway

yes, that's right i am just two days away from tattoo #2. (or if you'd rather: adding artistic expression to tattoo #1.) friday at 7 o'clock i'm heading to Blue Bird with neil for a few hours of pain and ink.

"From now on let no one trouble me, for I bear on my body the marks of Christ." Galations 6:17


the little things right now that make me smile:
* i climbed a 5.11 (who cares if it took 30 minutes)
* flip flops in the middle of February
* a journal that is almost full
* my awesome bedhead at 5:00 in the evening

dreaming green

yes, i love technology
not as much as you, you see...
but still i love technology
always and forever

just for those of you following my posts, and the fact that i was just talking about not over-using the word "love", the words above are not my own, as everyone should know the famous lyrics of Kip Dynamite by now. but it expressed in a funny way how happy i am for the technology that can keep me so connected accross the miles...even to my long-lost doulos roomie, Jen. we get to read each other's rambling thoughts at the click of a few keys, from dayton, Ohio all the way to the land of words like, "jumper"and telling time with phrases like, "half one".

gotta love the Irish, yes?

check out her comment on my 1st post "motive...aye, there's the rub".
jen, i think your comment was 5 times the size of my post! make sure you check out her blog. its sute to be challenging and i look forward to much more iron sharpening iron.

further and further in my brain

stronger than last year, my eyes close
the stars can see me, the stars will meet me
on the ground
on the ground

summer's gone
and winter is never too far now
and my poor arms,
outstretched so long that my bones are now breaking
and there you come, with a smile that'd send any man to his knees
and i feel i've begun now that we're one now
now that we're one now

-Further Seems Forever
(How to Start a Fire #7)

i am hit by the words of this song.

"stronger than last year"... that's how i feel. my journal is jammed with conversations God and i have had and have, and i must say when i read back through the conversations the musings, sometimes the whining, i can't help but feel stronger than last year. i can't help but see myself a little bit more as God sees me...imperfect, yet covered by the grace of His Son.

you know ordinarily i'd say, "i love this song!" but i won't say that because i don't. the way that we know love is this: that Christ laid down His life for us. i would never lay down my life for this song. it's just a bunch of english words thrown on a page and set to music. not worthy of my love.

so, yeah...i'm trying not to use the word "love". it makes me think of the movie, "Roxanne" with steve martin. it's based on Cyrano DeBergerac (for all those literature/history/theater geniouses, sorry about my spelling, i'm not so sure on spelling that name). i could probably quote 90% of this movie; i've seen it so many times. but that's not the point. anyway, you'll have to watch the movie, see a play or read the book if you want the basic plot because it's hard to write it out in a consise manner. but here's the movie quote of which the "love" thing makes me think:

"i was a afraid of words. they're all used up on ads and tv commercials. how can you love a diaper? how can you love a car? how could i use the same word for you that someone else used for some dogfood?"

i feel like that with God lot. i use up all my words and have nothing special for Him. my vocabulary is too limited, to overused, too unoriginal to express His ...

yeah, see what I mean? His what? greatness? awesomeness? God-ness? there is nothing. maybe i should just start making up words. words that will be reserved for Him, words that can express an unexpressable God. here's my word for today to describe you Jesus:

you are absolutely, unequivocably Magnoperfectious. thanks for understanding.

second star to the right and straight on till morning

i'm reading a book given to me for my birthday called, "i married adventure", by Luci Swindoll. (thanks helms!) i am so struck by what it had to say:

"So often we want to be somewhere else. When we look at the Now we are in, we have the illusion that if we could just inch or leap forward on the journey, our lives would be richer or better or more "together". We don't want to be Here."

the author shares a poem written by Jason Lehman.

It was spring...but it was summer I wanted,
the warm days, and the great outdoors.
It was summer, fall I wanted,
the colorful leaves, and the cool, dry, air.
It was fall, but it was winter I wanted,
the beautiful snow, and the holiday season.
It was winter, but it was spring I wanted,
the warmth, and the blossoming of nature.
I was a child, but it was adulthood I wanted,
the freedom, and the respect.
I was 20, but it was 30 I wanted,
to be mature, and sophisticated.
I was middle-aged, but it was 20 I wanted,
the youth, and the free spirit.
I was retired, but it was middle age I wanted,
the presence of mind, without limitations.
my life was over. But I never got what I wanted.

God, help me to live in the moment. to live the life abundant that You've gifted me with. none of us are promised tomorrow, and when we look for tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow, we miss the beauty of today. the breath in my lungs, the snowflakes resting on my cheeks that melt slowly and leave a tiny wet drop, the deep deep red and blue of the sunrise on tuesday morning.

what is it that you're expecting? what are you looking forward to that keeps you distracted from what God may be saying TODAY. who are you waiting for? what are you expecting? would it be so important, if today were the day you meet Jesus?

the most dismal evil...

i just read this quote and it floored me. had to share:

"The most dismal evil in all history found its absolute limits at Calvary. After evil had choked on its own venom, it became forever subject to Christ and to us in His name."


power. heck yeah. the battle's already won.

lyrics, lyrics, lyrics

call me from my sin-soaked self into your unbelievable arms
wrap around me like a drug and keep me spent
show me how to walk-
teach me like a child
never thought i'd live this wild
in your unbelievable arms -
in your unbelievable arms

how is it - why is it - that when i've run so far
racing away on my own steam,
that all i want is to be tucked back inside the heart of God
and wrapped
in your unbelievable arms -
in your unbelievable arms

eternal summer in my spotless mind

so, i wore sandals yesterday. yes, i was aware that it was 2 degrees outside. but why should that stop me? it's summer somewhere, right? as i was thinking about how much i love sandals, flip flops, bare feet (whatever keep my toes free from the prison-like confines of shoes), while i lay in my ridiculously tall bed trying desperately to fall asleep this morning after work, it came to me: i need a summer birthday. i am 6 days away from turning 28, and i've never had a summer birthday bash. remember all the cool kids who got to have pool parties and backyard barbeques for their birthday? not me. i get february...28 days of FREAKING COLD! so, thanks to my stubborn, chilly toes refusing to believe it was too cold to be out yesterday, i finally had an answer for my wonderfully organized, party-planner of a roomate who's been on my case (in the nicest and most appreciated of ways, mind you) to tell her what i wanted to do for my birthday so she could spread the word. so i made the call and she ran with it. we're throwing caution to the wind and cranking up the heat for one night of summer in february. i can't wait.

twixters...twenty-something peter pans

TIME magazine has an article in the jan 24, 2oo5 issue that really had some interesting things to say of my generation. it of course tries to label us (as if we've not had enough labels already, thank you) quote: "They're betwixt and between. You could call them twixters. " the article goes on to talk about many veiwpoints and speculations on why the 20-somethings are seemingly taking longer and longer to "grow up". how so many are seemingly stuck between adolescence and those milestones of adulthood - marriage, family, house, career. you really should check out the whole article, but i want to share with you here one part that really struck me:

"But whatever the cause, twixters are looking for a sense of purpose and importance in their work, something that will add meaning to their lives, and many don't want to rest until they find it."

doesn't this sound like a generation that is seeking God?